Worst Case Scenario
My greatest fear?
For the longest time it was, drum roll please, being stuck in traffic without a bathroom in sight.
A bit unusual? Probably, since I'm not 92 years old or pregnant. Luckily, there is a logical explanation. Once upon a time, my delicate psyche was traumatized by seeing a horrible car accident that required a highway closing and a Med Flight helicopter landing.
My bladder was ill prepared for this delay.
Just relax, right? Like that scenario's ever going to repeat itself. Until it did. Only this time, Andre and I were the disabled vehicle, a mile away from a planned pit stop. High speed blow out. Route 95. Driver's side. In the rain.
We called AAA, then sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Until an hour passed and Andre decided he couldn't wait anymore. So over the guardrail he went, down the hill into nature's toilet. A place so clean and serene, he decided that I should pay it a visit as well.
I. AM. NOT. AN. OUTDOORS. GIRL.
But sadly, as this was the only viable option, I followed my husband, back down the grassy knoll, where he was kind enough to shield my bare ass from passing cars with an umbrella, as I desperately tried not to pee on myself.
Crisis averted, right? Oh, not quite yet.
Because just, as we, one black man and one white woman, emerged from the thistles, while adjusting our clothing, the Connecticut State police K-9 unit arrived on the scene, along with some deeply ingrained racial stereotypes. That dog in the back seat? He wasn't barking the loudest.
"What were you doing down there?!" the trooper asked Andre.
"What were you doing down there?!!!" he asked again.
Oh, that Andre. I knew he was in protection mode, trying to prevent either of us from being arrested for public urination. But truth was unless I took one for the team, Officer Friendly probably wouldn't have stopped his general line of questioning. In fact, I wasn't even quite sure if he knew I was there--that darn 'black man coming out of the woods tunnel vision' and all.
"I had to pee," I blurted, effectively putting an end to his theory that he had thwarted a rape in progress.
Like I hadn't been humiliated enough today.
AAA finally showed up, and we were back on our way, for what will live in infamy as our fifteen hour epic journey to Maryland. Lessons learned? Oh so many.
Always have a rough idea of your location, you know, in case you need to call for help. Be aware of the directional incline of hills while squatting. And the reality of that worse case scenario? It might just play out a bit differently than what you imagined.
But the truth is, no matter how bad things get, you can and will survive.
And once you do, there's not a whole lot to be afraid of anymore.