Top Ten Travel Mishaps
Subtitled: 'Cause Surviving A Sunny Day at the Beach Is Easy.
Don't worry. No one got hurt, at least physically. Clearly, the mental scars linger on.
10. Fall 2010, El Paso: Lost luggage while visiting Andre's grandfather for the first time. All of it. Even the checked plastic sled from our failed sledding odyssey in White Sands National Park. Luckily, it happened on the return leg and only took a day to resurface.
9. Summer 2004, Puerto Rico: Andre wipes out on the elegant, marble entrance to an exclusive hotel, after a tropical downpour. He escapes with no broken limbs, a mildly bruised ego and a gratitude that I was in the car and missed the whole show.
8. Spring 2003, Vegas: Heading home. Discover someone sideswiped our rental car, leaving our mirror dangling by a wire. Sort of reflects how we feel about Vegas in the first place. Personal policy covers damage.
7. Summer 1999, Miami: Last night of honeymoon. Fancy dinner serves up a case of food poisoning. Front desk forgets our wake-up call. Miss flight. Get kicked out of hotel and rebooked in sister property. City in full party for holiday weekend. I want to die.
6. Summer 2001, Connecticut: Quick overnight getaway to casino wins me some sort of allergic reaction from the sheets and an itchy rash on every piece of skin that came in contact with them. Thankful I do not sleep in the nude.
5. Summer 2006, Florida Keys: More dermatitis, this time shared. Romantic nighttime snuggling in beachside hammock. We saw the moon and stars, the waves and sand, but not those hungry no-see-ums, feasting silently on our flesh.
4. Summer 2009, New Orleans: Have floor seats to Essence Music Festival. Expensive three day floor seats. Wait seven hours at airport for our outbound flight to get cancelled. No flights out of PVD until next week. Rebook via Hartford for the next day. Torrential downpours force us to turn car around. Find two tickets for following morning out of PVD. Arrive for start of show. Barely.
3. Spring 2007, Boston: Room overlooking indoor pool at historic property. Super humid.Air doesn't work. Can't sleep. Multiple complaints to front desk. Hey, it's 3am, why don't we change rooms? Andre's $300 mouthguard? Lost in the shuffle. Exhausted. Irritated. Complain again. Get charged for mini-bar items from first room. Take action. Power of the pen gets refund--for all.
2. Winter 2010, St. Thomas: Gut not feeling good about upcoming trip to paradise. Always listen to gut. Two days before departure, receive phone call that our host's house burned down. Always, always, always listen to gut.
1. Spring 2003, I-95 South from Providence to Maryland: Heading to a wedding. Start journey with automatic locks on car locking and unlocking. Return home to exchange vehicle for more reliable 1982 Mercedes. An hour into journey, get a high speed blow out on highway. During an April shower.
Call AAA. And wait. And wait. And wait. Andre decides he needs to relieve himself. Maneuvers over guardrail and down embankment. Takes care of business. My bladder's in dire straights. Convinces me to do the same. I'm desperate--and have absolutely no skill. Andre is a gentleman. Shields me from traffic with an umbrella, as well as offers helpful tips. In vain.
Climb ravine back to car. A Connecticut state trooper has arrived on the scene. The K-9 unit. Officer sees us emerging from the woods. Badgers Andre with questions about our woodland activities. Does not look at or address me. Andre, believing we'll get arrested for public urination, does not offer a straight answer. Now the cop is really suspicious. After several tense minutes, I blurt out: I had to pee. The cop seems satisfied. He calls AAA--and off the dogs. Our journey resumes.
Drive to tire shop on doughnut. And wait. And wait. And wait. Finally discover the tech can't figure out how to put the car in gear to bring into bay. Andre instructs. Continue on journey with new tire. Blissfully uneventful until New Jersey turnpike. Traffic backed up because of car fire. Just glad it's not ours.
Finally arrive in Maryland, fourteen hours after we began. Andre decides to soak in hotel tub to rid of chills. Who soaks at a Holiday Inn? Exactly. Things are bad. Thinks he's fighting a sinus infection. I think he's having a nervous breakdown.
Oddly enough, the travel bug continues...